8700/1 Q5 description — abandoned pool (tutor-set 2026-format prompt, timed, handwritten)

2026-09-22 · check · 1 paper · 21/40 · 53% · not grade-converted

Shape C, 3rd timed handwritten Q5. 5 plan / 30 write / 5 check, pencil, photographed. Description option. Plan inside 5 min; structure line held a setting, fixed to 'zoom: pool → changing rooms' after a binary prompt. ~155 words / 30 min (~5 wpm). 0 blank. Two-target check: reported '0' (one number for two targets); verified 0 splices, 0 capitals after comma. Typed copy silently fixed 'a empty', 'came', 'all'; marked on the paper. 21/40, same total as 8 and 15 Sep.

8700/1 21/40

0 left blank · Q5 only. Planned. Handwritten, timed 30 min write.

Q	Topic	Marks	Question	Answer given	Note
5	W1	21/40	Write a description suggested by this picture (drained, abandoned swimming pool)	Second-person present: entrance → smell of chlorine and dust, temperature shift, empty pool, radio crackling from the changing rooms, shoes on tiles, dust/sneeze, flickering lights at the door, radio 'Send back up. They have bombs.', splat, ball of webs, giant spider lands, lights turn off, 'All you feel is the cold and the presence of the spider.' One unbroken block, ~155 words.	AO5 12/24 L2 upper: senses chosen not listed, planned zoom executed, planned last line delivered; but no paragraph breaks at all, short, drifts into plot (spider). Lift: break at each shift = 12→15. AO6 9/16 L3 lower: 0 comma splices (2nd clean timed piece), commas after fronted clauses accurate, spelling far better (clorin only). Held by: lowercase 'all' after a full stop, 'a empty', 'caused'/'came' tense slips, four 'As you…' openings.

Marks by topic

Ordered by marks lost. These are the candidates for reteaching.

Topic	Name	Marks	Lost
W1	Descriptive writing: one mood, chosen senses	21/40	19